Nood and Abash stood at the door to the busy downtown bar and read the sign over and over.  

“No shirt, no shoes, no service. Nothing about nipples,” Nood said, shaking his head.

Abash agreed; the sign said nothing about nipples.

The duo went home and sewed holes in their button-up shirts around the nipples. Man-boob nipplage. After a protracted discussion, Nood chose tasteful ties, and they returned to the bar.

Some may argue law students looking for a battle have chosen more important cases. For Nood and Abash, though, nothing could be more significant than nipples.

Botswana. Western Australia. The Amazon. Privilege allows a person to visit these places and juxtapose them with the nipple neglected regions of the American Midwest, Saudi Arabia, and the Vatican. That aside, suffice it to say, when Nood and Abash hit the bar, the shit hit the nipples.

Legalese can either bury you or burn you in a situation like this. Rarely will it benefit you. Nood and Abash spewed sophisticated phrases for naught, and hate threw them from the bar.

Martha, bring me home. The first time Nood saw his mother Martha’s breasts, aside from the infant suckling days in a burnished yellow haze of wonder, was when he was ten—in a concentration camp. Mom was nude, he was Nood, and she said, “Take a good look and get it over with.”

When Abash was ten, he watched his father leave the house drunk, out the second-story window, and Newton’s lesson of inertia firmly planted itself in his memory. His mother turned to a lady of the silk. Men in, men out, and the window always left open. Now and then, the majesty of her robe would part ways, and Abash would see her glorious twins. And it was OK.

The selectivity of humanity concerning expose-ability intrigued them both. Cover the head, cover the face, cover the groin, and cover the waist. Robyn Davidson was their hero. She had hiked seventeen hundred miles across Australia in nineteen seventy-seven, a lot of the time nude, nipples like binoculars. A Goddess.

What is one culture’s bane is another’s; who cares? Nood and Abash went to court against the bar for throwing them out and won. It was a start.

The West’s disgust with the hajib contains no defense when pitted against women’s suffocation in western culture for a perfectly sublime and beautiful feature common to all homo sapiens; the mammary projection—the nipple.